Finding a Rhythm
Despite this, there is a sense that the situation we are trapped within has changed some things for the better. Zoom has become part of our everyday vocabulary, yet a few weeks ago many of us did not really know what it was. If anything, it may have improved communication with family members in a way which we perhaps had not thought to try before lockdown – Sunday evenings may be put aside for a family chat with people in three different countries.
We (Rebecca and Alison) have always met to complete supervision and discuss our work. Prior to the pandemic we were sometimes rushed and needed a tight agenda to get though the necessary topics. We have in reality needed less supervision since lockdown began, yet have met more regularly via video. Of course, many conversations are completely off topic; have you watched? Where did you buy? But most have an underlying psychological theme; what do parents want from schools in order to home educate successfully? What happens when we resist filling every minute of a child’s day and allow them to feel bored? Why are some of us feeling an added pressure to be particularly productive during this time?
Do we Need Structure?
We are starting with the question of whether there is a need to have a ‘structure’ to the day while now at home with children for longer periods of time.
As lockdown began pictures of brightly coloured timetables appeared on social media. An array of online lessons was suddenly available, while children were reminded of their usernames and passwords to access school tasks. For some families, the move to a highly structured schedule did not feel realistic and was resisted by children. The sudden transition to such a different mode of living felt like a rug being pulled from beneath our feet and an expectation to put in place a new routine, an extra burden.
The uncertainty continues. We do not know how the current situation will unfold. But as we at least partially adjust to a new way of being, should we have a routine?
A certain flow or rhythm to the days and weeks is likely to have some benefits worth consideration:
Predictability can reduce the emotional fallout of challenging times. When we feel helpless and unable to control our world, emotional distress can be significant. Right now, there is much that we cannot control or predict. Within the confines of our own home there is the possibility of some predictability. Rather than thinking about a ‘schedule’ it might feel more comfortable to think about having a ‘flow’ or a ‘rhythm’ to the day.
Daily rhythms are in fact relevant and helpful to us all. Even those of us who see ourselves as ‘free spirits’ have a rhythm to the day; maybe we can’t function in the morning without a cup of tea, maybe we have to sort out the washing before breakfast – these are all rhythms which help us feel more settled. In the current climate it is even more relevant to shape the day with a few key activities that help to anchor us and our children, offering us the possibility of some known quantities in our personal world.
Reducing Mental Load.
It can feel overwhelming spending much of our day trying to remember what we are ‘supposed’ to be doing; reminding our children to complete learning tasks, realising at the end of the day that we had intended to complete the laundry together, practise spellings… This is because we only have so much space in our head to keep track of what we’re doing. This is called our ‘working memory’.
If we have a routine or a ‘flow’ that is fairly predictable and that we keep visually displayed, this can ease the ongoing cycling through a mental ‘to-do’ list and allows working memory to be free for what we actually want to be doing or learning
Weather the Storm
Introducing new rhythms at home may not be straightforward. Children may not understand why you want them to get dressed if they have been used to wearing pyjamas all day. Children with ASD may strongly compartmentalise settings and feel stressed about the concept of school being brought into home. Try to ignore fussing about changes you introduce, resistance is natural, so hang onto the notion that a flow is going to be better for everyone in the long run.
Look after Yourself
Finally, add a time into the day when you tell children (if possible) that you are having a break and do not want to be interrupted. We are all doing our best to manage but change is tiring for everyone. Parents need and deserve the occasional guilt free cup of tea!
